Our experience so far in our Asian travels, limited though it may be to Korea and China, is that Asians are very hospitable people. National expressions of hospitality differ, of course; but we have been welcomed and embraced everywhere.
Hospitality in China begins with tea. Always.
Come in. Sit. Sit here in the best seat. We are honored that you have come.
The host will begin to make the tea. In every home we visited -- and we visited quite a few -- and in most restaurants, we were offered tea.
Tea begins with a washing of the tiny tea cups. Boiling water, which come from a small metal tea kettle on a quick-heat burner that is often part of the apparatus is poured into each cup, as you watch; or it is poured into the first cup and from there into the second, so that each cup in turn is washed in the hot water. The hot water is dumped onto the tea table itself, which is built as a slatted wood grating. The larger part of the tea apparatus, usually a rectangular wood device about four inches tall, consists of this grating with a platform for setting tea cups at one end and another for housing the hot-pot capabilities at the other end. We saw quite a few different tea tables, but they were all built with the same basic design.
The tea process is not women's work, as we observed it. It was performed, usually, by the father of the house. In his absence, it was performed by the mother. In her absence, another adult relative took the honors. And so forth. Sometime the eldest available child steps up to the task.
In a restaurant, depending on the status of the establishment, it was performed by a manager or by a waitress.
The tea itself is made on the spot in a little pot.
The tea is always loose. Boiling water from the hot-water kettle is poured over a small strainer containing the loose tea into the little pot and then, without letting it steep, directly into the tiny cups. Traditionally, the first little pot of tea is also poured over the cups before the cups are filled and passed out.
The guests are offered tea first, then the others in an order that respects rank or seniority. The tea cup is usually so hot from the boiling water that it must be grasped at the rim with the thumb and first or second finger. It appears to our western eyes as a strange way to hold the cups, but it is necessary.
Then, once you have sipped the tea or drained it, the cup is immediately refilled.
The hosts may also offer fruit, often sliced oranges or whole clementines. This is a particularly nice feature of Chinese hospitality since, for us at any rate, the timing of the next meal is indefinite.
On the other hand, I was frequently offered cigarettes by other men. It was an informal, friendly gesture -- two cigarettes in an extended hand. One hates to offend, so in addition to jet lag I have come home with a terrible nicotine habit.
Just kidding.
Turning down cigarettes was not a problem, but turning down tea was not possible. By the end of a morning or an afternoon of visiting, we were on constant alert for restrooms. We learned to take advantage of restrooms when they appeared rather than to wait until we needed them.
Another lesson we learned was simply to recognize how to handle the tea refills. Since the host wants you to feel welcome, it helped to finish the first cup straight away. That addresses the hospitality issue. Then allow your cup to be refilled. It is OK to leave that second cup essentially untouched. The first cup seems to be the culturally sensitive one -- so, bottoms up!
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